Visual Testing Jokes

I got a new borescope for the shop. It really gets to the root of things.

The weld gauge and the fillet gauge got along great. They always measured up.

I'd tell you a joke about Visual Testing, but you'd have to see it to believe it.

The inspection mirror spent the whole shift reflecting on its choices.

Borescope inspection is the one job where it's flattering to be told you have a narrow point of view.

The booth lighting upgrade was a bright idea. The inspectors have never been so enlightened.

I wanted to be a Visual Testing inspector, but I just couldn't see myself doing it.

I trust that fillet weld. Both legs measured up to three-sixteenths, so it's leg-it.

My magnifying glass is the most dramatic tool I own. It blows everything out of proportion.

The drone that inspected the flare stack was a real hoverachiever.

The telescoping inspection mirror finally gave the inspector a handle on the situation.

Why did the inspector bring a mirror to the pipe rack?

What kind of music does a Visual Testing inspector like best?

Why was the fillet gauge so confident?

How many inspectors does it take to check a weld in a dark tank?

Why does a borescope make a terrible secret keeper?

What's the difference between "looks fine" and "is fine"?

What's an inspector's favorite kind of lighting?

What do you call an inspector who is happy with the lighting?

Why do inspectors carry a small mirror and a magnet?

What's a crawler camera's biggest fear?

'It looks fine' is a wonderful opening line, and it has never once appeared in an acceptance table.

A flashlight is just a Visual Testing instrument with a battery problem.

I have 20/20 vision and I still can't see why we're doing this at 3 a.m.

A weld gauge is the only tool in the shop that tells welders the truth to the sixteenth of an inch.

The most-used Visual Testing instrument is the headlamp, and the second most-used is the search for the headlamp.

In borescope work, a crack stays put. A reflection follows you around like a puppy.

Every inspector has found a crack that turned out to be a hair, and a hair that turned out to be a crack.

Direct sunlight: the one light source that makes your weld gauge unreadable and your sunburn very readable.

The inspection mirror lets you see around corners, which is also where most schedule problems hide.

You might be a Visual Testing inspector if you hold every shiny object at a thirty-degree angle.

You might be an inspector if you've ever said "hold that light still" to a person who was perfectly still.

You might be an inspector if you've ever checked a bathtub caulk bead with a fillet gauge.

You might be an inspector if your phone's flashlight has more hours on it than its camera.

The client held the flashlight while I checked the underside of the weld. "Looks fine to me," he said, shining it on the ceiling. I took the light back, aimed it at the weld, and showed him where "fine" had been hiding.

A new inspector proudly flagged a bright spot at the bottom of the bore. The senior inspector looked at the screen, said nothing, and gently wiped the borescope lens with a cloth. The spot left with the smudge.

The inspector found a dark line along the weld toe. Before writing anything, he wiped it with a solvent rag. Pencil. He cleaned the next one. Also pencil. On the third, the welder admitted he'd been doing his math on the pipe.

The light meter read half the level the procedure required. The inspector asked for a second lamp. It arrived by morning with an extension cord, a work order and a supervisor who had never seen a weld so well lit.

Looks Fine (phrase): The first guess of every bystander, and the last thing an inspector will write without a measurement.

Weld Gauge (n.): A small metal ruler with strong opinions about the sixteenth of an inch.

Borescope (n.): A tool that lets you look into a hole without the hole looking back. Usually.

Parallax (n.): Why you and the person next to you read the same gauge differently, and each think the other needs glasses.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Fillet.
Fillet who?

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Flash.
Flash who?

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Lumen.
Lumen who?

Low light skims the weld,
a ridge of shadow appears:
undercut confessed.

A weld seemed quite sound to the eye,
With no flaw that a glance could spy.
Then a light, held down low,
Made the undercut show,
And the welder said, "Grinder, stand by."

My mirror on its little pole
Found rust inside the narrow hole.
It never lies, it only shows
The things the report won't disclose.

Are you a flashlight held at a low angle? Because you bring out every little thing about me.

Are you a borescope? Because I'd follow you anywhere, even down a narrow pipe.

Do you have a magnifying glass? Because I'd like a closer look at us.

Nobody warns you that most of Visual Testing is cleaning things so you can see the thing you came to see.

Ever notice that the weld nobody wants to inspect is always above head height, on the far side, in the rain?

Ever notice that "visual" sounds easy to people who have never held a fillet gauge at an awkward angle with one hand?

Ever notice that a crack is a lot more visible once somebody has told you it's there?

You might be an aircraft inspector if you can't walk past a fastener without checking the torque stripe.

Ever notice that an aircraft is the only machine where the first thing you check is the last thing somebody fixed?

Ever notice that every airplane has a perfect maintenance record until you open the panel behind the panel behind the panel?

Holiday (n.): A gap in the pipe coating. Unlike the other kind, nobody is happy to see it.

A bridge inspector named Dwight
Checked a rivet that looked just right.
Then he found, with a sigh,
Forty thousand more nearby,
And he logged them until it was night.

The gearbox borescope gets along with everyone. It's great at getting to the root of the problem.

Ever notice a turbine blade looks smooth from the ground and like a road map from a rope?

The inspector at the end of the conveyor is always on a roll.

Why was the wheel inspector such a good judge of character?

Why did the inspector love the opened vessel?

The holiday lights failed Visual Testing: one bulb out, and the whole strand rejected.

Holiday lights are inspected more thoroughly than most welds. Someone holds every bulb up to the light, and nobody has an acceptance criterion.

You might be an NDT tech if you inspect your holiday lights before hanging them and still end up with one dark bulb.

Day three of the heavy check, and the aircraft finally opened up to the inspector.

Panels laid in rows,
the wing's secrets all exposed.
Deadline: Friday noon.

Ever notice that the fastener you need to inspect is always behind the one panel nobody can find the key for?

Why did the ship inspector bring a ladder into the empty dry dock?

The inspector and the snooper truck operator wanted to bridge their differences.

Bolts ring one by one,
one sounds flat. She marks it, smiles:
the hammer was right.

Nobody warns you that the part of the bridge you need to inspect is always directly under the part everyone else is driving on.

What did the blade say to the rope access inspector?

Why did the inspector reject the fillet weld?

What did the welder say when the inspector asked about the grinding?

You might be an inspector if every 'Looks fine from here' is followed by a flashlight, a mirror and a weld gauge.

Nobody warns you that a good weld and a bad weld look exactly alike from fifteen feet away.

What's a salesperson's favorite NDT method?

Are you a borescope? Because you light up even the darkest corners of my engine.

Corrosion under insulation is the original cover-up.

What is the most common thing found on a foreign object debris walk?

You might be an aerospace inspector if you've written 'no findings' and then been asked if you really looked.

Foreign Object Debris (n.): Anything on the hangar floor that wasn't there the last time the inspector looked.

Heavy Check (n.): An inspection so thorough that the airplane gets to see parts of itself it has never seen.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Fastener.
Fastener who?

How do you measure a pipeline inspector's career?

Why does a girth weld never get lost?

The dig crew worked all day and finally got to the bottom of it.

The pipeline inspector always walks the line. Mostly because the truck got stuck.

Why do ship inspectors love dry dock?

What is the biggest thing in a ship's void space?

Submarine hull inspectors really dive into the details.

A ship's hull is mostly steel, with a little water on one side and a lot of paperwork on the other.

Coating, scaffolds, and cable: the three things standing between an inspector and the weld.

Flashlight in the void.
The hull plates stretch out like days.
The ladder is far.

Void Space (n.): A compartment that is empty by name and full of inspection by nature.

Dry Dock (n.): Where a ship goes to find out what the water has been saying about it.

What kind of music does a chain-drag inspector prefer on a bridge deck?

Bridge inspection report: 300 photos, 40 pages of notes, and one sentence the owner actually reads: 'No action required.'

An inspector found a crack at the end of a cover plate and marked it with a paint pen. Fifteen years later, the next inspector found the faded paint stripe and a crack that had not grown an inch. 'So it's stable,' said the owner. 'That's what the last report said,' said the inspector. 'That's why I'm measuring it again.'

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Rivet.
Rivet who?

The crew's new borescope had a seven-hour battery and a lovely screen. At the base of the tower it said 100 percent. At the top of the tower it said 14 percent. 'It's the cold,' said the technician. The battery said 9 percent. 'And the altitude,' she said, and headed back down to charge it.

Nobody warns you that the casting with the beautiful finish is the one with the porosity, and the ugly one is perfect.

Sunrise on the rail
Cold steel hums a freight train's song
Window now open

Sunscreen is just surface preparation for people.

You might be an aerospace inspector if...

Ever notice that the tank you need to inspect first is always the one underneath every other tank you need to inspect?

Why do bridge inspectors never get lonely?

Why did the bridge inspector bring a small hammer to the bolted connection?

You might be a bridge inspector if...

Nobody warns you that the view from the top of a turbine is spectacular, and that you get about nine seconds to enjoy it before the next task.